rambling rosemarie

Often God's mercy feels more like a swift kick to my  backside than the "There, there, little one!" pat on the head that I would prefer. So it is this morning as I skipped church on a day I was physically able to attend, opting instead to stay home and feel sorry for myself, that I once again feel a Jehovah sized boot print on the place with the least amount of padding; my ego.  I am a slow learner. We go through this every year at this time. Is it any wonder that I hate Mother's Day? I don't hate Mother's Day for any of the legitimate reason to despise made up holidays. It doesn't bother me a bit that Hallmark is making a killing on cards or that florists everywhere are being delivered high voltage shocks on their last nerve trying trying to get out orders. Trust me, I was a florist once upon a time. Valentines Day and Mother's Day test the soul of every florist. I hate Mother's Day for much deeper reasons. When I was a kid I hated Mother'...

My oldest girl is turning 30 in a few days. I don't know where she is or what she would like to do to celebrate. I thought we would be past that stage by now and we're not. There are some expectations I had when I agreed to raise two of my sister's children that have been met and some that have not. I expected it to be very difficult on them to be separated from their other siblings. I would have raised all 5 kids if it had been up to me, but it was not. I knew how that would make them feel disconnected and disposable, because I wasn't raised with any of my siblings either. I always felt left out and unimportant. I knew that they would be confused by the differences in their former lifestyle and the new one I would impose. I worked for law enforcement and went to church each week. That's not something they were exposed to before coming to live with me. I knew that I had not been given shiny examples of loving parenting and would fall short of their true n...

Parents used to raise their children with the idea of getting them to adulthood having the tools they would need to survive. Good health, good education, (one that actually teaches you to think critically so you can determine right from wrong), and their best chance for a vocation that would see them through their lives. One day that began to change. I don't know where it started and why so many parents have succumbed but suddenly befriending your child and making them happy has become the aim of many parents. Little John and little Jane need great self-esteem and happiness more than the ability to think or have manners. They need to have their wants satisfied more than they need the discipline of waiting to grow up for their rights of passage. Today I was watching Good Morning America and they had a segment of the show that absolutely astounded me. Should Little Girls Wear High Heels? There was a debate and folks on both sides of the issue sounded off. One mom let her 5 ye...

My friend writes a great blog. She wrote today about a letter she read that was written by Susanna Wesley , to her son, John Wesley . Carla asked me to read it and give her my input. I love the discussions Carla and I have regarding just about anything so I jumped at the chance. I tried to comment on her blog but I am too wordy and after cutting tons of points out of my response, my comment was still too long. In desperation I have decided simply to link to Carla's article and post my opinion here. I am lazy and verbose, a bad combination I admit. Carla's article is here . And the Susanna Wesley letter which Carla has painstakingly typed out can be found on her blog or here . And now for my opinion.... I love this letter and I think this woman was brilliant. Absolutely brilliant and spot on with what we now know about how people learn best. The first thing she did was set her children into a routine. Studies show children do far better and are more confident when they know...

It wasn't long after my post on my character flaws that God decided to show me something else about them. He decided to let me work through an issue where the laziness of someone before me had caused not only a large amount of work that needed to be done, but some unnecessary out of pocket expenses were paid by a customer. The customer will be refunded and so it seems to be a "no harm, no foul" experience. Appearances are deceiving. The company I work for paid for an hour of my productivity because someone was forgetful and missed a step that actually only takes less than 10 seconds to complete. The customer in question lives paycheck to paycheck and cares for her parents and her disabled brother. It's all well and good that eventually her money will be returned to her, but when you live hand to mouth waiting for accounting to cut a check can mean the difference between having lights that come on when you flip the switch and having food on the table to feed your ...

Last night I had a conversation with some women friends about parenting. I listened as a couple of moms talked about not understanding how a mother could not like being home with her children. Their questions were sincere. These women do not want to be anywhere else in the world than home with their babies. I found myself speaking up on behalf of women who dreaded being alone with their children. I was speaking from experience. I escaped a childhood from hell. There was screaming, beating, hitting, gunshots, incest, alcoholism, drug addiction, anger, bitterness, resentment and belittling. Even worse there was the abuse of being ignored. I had few safe people or safe moments in my childhood. I was by nature very tenderhearted and compliant but that changed in favor of survival. I became willful, calculating and distant as a means of coping. My little sister loves babies. She says that when you are caring for your baby you know that there isn't another more important task on the...

My friend, Carla, posted something here that has made it impossible for me remain silent on an issue that is very sensitive for me. She writes about the father who walked out on her as a child. There has been a cycle of abuse in my family that is the poison fruit of having a father walk out on his children. So, in the hope that one man or woman might read this post and think twice about the legacy he or she wants to leave their children- here I go. When my parents met they had three things in common. Both had been married before, both had three children from those marriages and both of them had been abandoned by their fathers when they were young. I was about 3 years old when my mother took my siblings, her children from a previous marriage, and left my father. She was also pregnant and placed my baby sister for adoption when she was born. She and my father had never married and so he had no say over what my mother could do with her child. She left me behind. I never got to...

I had some thoughts today about how to help parents who have children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorders (FAS FASD). I am reading an article in the Journal of Biblical Counseling that points out the similarities in counseling and parenting. This particular volume has several articles focusing on family relationships, especially that of parent and child. The titles include : Helping the Parents of an Angry Child; Angry Teens; Counseling the Adopted Child; and Helping the Grieving Child or Teenager. ( Journal of Biblical Counseling Winter 2007 Vol. 25 Number 1) I haven't completed my studies in the journal and so I cannot begin to write a proper synthesis of the various issues addressed, all of which I think may be helpful to parents of FAS or FASD children. But then, these topics aren't exclusive to FAS and FASD children. I was blessed with raising some wonderful children in a unique set of circumstances. My sister died leaving behind 5 terrific kids...

I went to sleep last night still thinking about what I would offer the parents of children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. I began wondering what I would anticipate if I were going to adopt a child knowing that they may have special needs and considerations. Then the thought came to me, "What child doesn't have special needs and considerations?!" Children are basically black holes of need, no matter what syndromes have been attributed to them or describe their behavior. Admittedly, some are more challenging than others, but none of them get parented properly without effort; love, sweat and prayers. I was grateful to see a comment posted on my first blog article regarding adoption and parenting children with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). My prayers were answered in that the person who left a comment is a Christian who has experience being raised with siblings and raising children with either FAS or Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD). I haven't read her blog tho...