rambling rosemarie

It's been a while since I have written. None of my three readers has protested my absence so I am not certain why I should feel guilty about not writing. Blogging, like relationships, takes work and I imagine I am feeling a guilt akin to being neglectful of a friend or acquaintance. That and the fact that I genuinely enjoy writing have caused me to return. I have been focused on getting my health back to the extent that I can. I do not want to end my life a lump of flesh behind a computer monitor waxing poetic about the good old days or complaining bitterly about the stupidity of everyone that doesn't share my opinion. The physical misery I have been through these many months has been good for my soul. My body hasn't cared too much for it but that's often the way of things that are good for you. Isn't it? I have had to face my reluctance to be broken and vulnerable even with God. As if I could hide it from Him. Really? For a woman who enjoys a modicum of intellige...

I have had a series of topics I have thought about blogging. I haven't had the energy to sit down and write them. It really has been all I can do to sit and relay stories. That has actually been helpful to me, even if I am the only one who reads them. Writing stories about my life is cathartic. Cathartic catharsis. I wonder why writing is such a pressure release valve? You would think it would have something to do with connecting to the reader and yet blogging is for the most part an impersonal action for me. I have a few people who read what I write, but most folks stumble across my page in search of something else. According to my statistics it takes them less than a minute to discover I am not what they were looking for. I envy their discernment. I often thought I wanted to be a writer. I have had people tell me I should sit down and write a book. I don't know what I would write about if I did. There are so many things to read on the net, so many books available here tha...

I wanted to write about the shameful way Shirley Sherrod has been treated by most of the media. (If you are unaware, read and follow links here , here and here. ) I am outraged that an edited clip of something the woman said decades ago was all her boss needed to force a resignation from her. I wanted to talk about context and growth and how times have changed. I wanted to point out that although I am not a racist or a homophobe, things I said 25 years ago might lead someone to believe I was, simply because the common vernacular has changed and what was acceptable then is no longer considered politically correct. I wanted to write right here and now that I condone neither racism nor homosexuality but think that media is far more dangerous than either of those topics simply because "We the People" tend to believe everything they write or show us. I thought I would like to write a post about how I blame "We the People" for the failures and glories of our natio...

I hate dilemmas, especially the kind where you feel strongly both ways. Choosing lanes to be in when entering a toll plaza, what line to stand in to be checked out of a store, any type of choice that has variables you cannot control make me crazy. Yes, Virginia, I am a control freak. I also hate multiple guess questions on tests. I can talk myself into and out of all but the most inane answers. I go right into analysis paralysis. I am headed there now. I am receiving long term disability payments. I am injured and my injury is permanent. Every month I get to guess when my payment is going to arrive. The insurance company mailed a check to me on July 9th. Their office is 1 state away; one eastern size state away. We aren't talking Texas or California... just one teensie tiny little state away. In fact their state borders my state. I have not received the check. I am too broke to pay attention let alone the bills unless and until that check comes. So, do I have them st...

When I am studying something that bothers me, I do just about anything I can to stall. In doing so I stumble upon a lot of odd information. I love history and any student of history will tell you that most everything we are familiar with has had an odd beginning. Sometimes there will be different odd stories regarding the genesis of a myth, folkway or idiom. Somewhere in the mix the truth can be found. You just have to look. While I lived in Australia I went to a visit a little town on the Murray River called Echuca. Echuca has a wonderful history and boasts the largest collection of paddle steamers in the world. It also has a coach house and carriage museum. It was during my visit to the carriage museum that I was told the origin of the expression to 'drop off to sleep.' According the docent, the carriage cheap seats were the ones outside and on the back. You had a platform to sit on and a rope or rail to hang onto for dear life. During a long trip a poor unfortun...

Things are piling up on me. Bad things. Things that want to make me miserable. What sort of things? Well here's a look at some. I lost my job. I didn't lose it because the company downsized or because my performance was substandard. In fact, the company I worked for did everything thing they could to accommodate me. They offered an extension of sick leave and I couldn't in good conscience accept. I knew I couldn't be back to work in the time they could give me and their busy season is coming. There are lots of able bodied folks who need jobs and it was patently unfair of me to ask them to hold my position when I knew I couldn't come back. You see, I lost my job because I have injured myself and cannot physically perform the duties required. In August I tripped, fell, tried not to land on my adorable doggies and did a number on my back. I also aggravated an existing injury to my neck. The lower back is a bit better but the neck... well... it's not so good. Th...

For over a week now I have been at home nursing a back that's 'out' and/or a nerve that is pinched. At first I was so miserable with pain that day to day survival was my focus. I keep feeling as though I am healing but for the last two days I wake up feeling a little worse than the day before. My floors need to be mopped, my rugs vacuumed, my bed linens changed and my poor little doggie needs a good romp out in the woods. Sunday night I normally have to take my garbage cans to the end of my driveway for Monday morning's early pick-up. My back was in such bad shape that there was no way I was going to risk it greater injury by wrestling with them. Today I took out a bag of trash to the cans and realized the cans were both empty. Being home for a week I hadn't been to the store, done much shopping or done anything much to make refuse. What I am doing is catching up on my reading. I am honestly preparing myself for reading a couple of books that are likely going t...

Ever have the feeling that you're on the verge of change? I have that feeling now. I believe that's because God is about to make me very uncomfortable. Why do I believe it? Because I've asked him to. I know myself well enough to know that even though I have asked Him for change, I am likely going to fight Him about it. Unless He does something to rewire me, I have a pretty typical pattern set. First I see the need to change, and then I ask Him to change me. Next I resent the changes He is making and fight Him by kicking at the goads, pouting and being resentful. After that doesn't work for me, I get tired and broken and call for His help. He is always merciful and sends someone to encourage me to see the good in what God is doing. Next I repent, wonder why I fought Him so hard and enjoy a wonderful honeymoon period with Him. I call it a honeymoon period because I am dumb as dirt and my sinful heart is going to restart the whole process by asking Him to ch...