rambling rosemarie

Turns out Huey Lewis and I have more in common than I do with Venus Williams. I do not have Sjogren's Syndrome. it seems part of what my body wants is a new drug. I have been taking the old anti-inflammatory drug since 1990, 3 times a day, almost every day. Is it any wonder my body has had enough of it? Wednesday was rough as a Brillo pad on sunburned skin. I had to stop taking one drug to start taking another. I wasn't in withdrawals but I was cranky with pain. Yesterday I thought the new drug was going to be a failed experiment, but perhaps I needed to give it a week or two to introduce it to my body. I had a headache (no caffeine) I was dizzy (new drug) and woke up in pain (no taking old drug before bed). Sometime in the late evening my sister called and we discussed all things sisters discuss. I told her I had reservations about the way the new drug made me feel but had to admit that in the evening the dizziness had warn off and my body hurt less to move. Not so mu...

What do you do when you know something is wrong with your body and yet all the tests provide no definitive answer? I can open my mouth and show you the sores in it. I can show you where my tongue has turned color. It's not cancer, it's not a stain. It's a mystery. I can show you the rash on my face. It is not lupus. It is not rosacea. What is it? Why does it accompany extreme fatigue and joint pain? You can see my eyelids are red and angry looking but antibiotics, ointments and eye drops don't make it go away. My guts aren't working properly but it's not colitis, Crohn's, not a h-pylori, but they are inflamed. Why? What do you do when you don't know what you're fighting? You rejoice. I am a saved woman. It's all good after that. You pray. Pray for patience. Lord, help me cope with these annoying and often debilitating symptoms as befitting a woman of God. And please, let the doctor changing my medications be a step in the right direct...

Last night I watched the heat lightning and it reminded me of crumpled saran wrap that had somehow had been electrified and was being stretched and straightened across the sky, releasing sparks as it gained tension. Moments like last night leave me breathless, longing for something I cannot identify and feeling small. Very small. . Tonight I did some barbecuing in the dark. I had some chicken that needed to be cooked or given up for lost and it has been way too hot to be out on the deck cooking. I don't do well in the heat. I like 70 degrees with a light breeze. I do not like 89 with relative humidity of 90+ and heat indices of 110. You can't always get what you want. But I did get to see some more lightning so it's all good. Thursday I saw the doctor to receive what I thought would be a diagnoses of celiac sprue. According to the tests I do not have celiac sprue. I was kind of disappointed because I had reasoned it all out in my mind and with the help of Dr. Google...

The day before yesterday I had my EDG ( Esophagogastroduodenoscopy ) it wasn't really a bad test as far as tests go. The worst part is getting to the point where you actually go in and take the test. They give you what they call twilight anesthesia, you're out enough that you don't give a rip that they are putting a tube down your throat and not under long enough that they have to keep you for any length of time. I got watched for an hour afterward. You do have to have someone who will drive you to and from. I was fortunate enough to have my sister. We traded favors. She was my driver for my 'procedure' (Lord, forgive me but I crack up using that term as I sound just like my grandmother. I have to have some fun with this getting old and falling apart nonsense) and I drove her to the Lexington airport yesterday. It was a fair trade. She and I got the giggles in the hospital. I wore a coral colored shirt and it turns out so do the volunteers who walk you to and f...

Had a splendid day yesterday. Today? Not so much. I will be really glad to have the tests on the 30th and find out what is making me so dad-blasted miserable. EGD or esophagogastroduodenoscopy. (Thank you, Lord, for Dr. Google.) That's what I will be doing on the 30th. They are going to knock me out, put a tube down my throat and into my the first part of my GI tract. W00t! Don't be jealous now, it's a sin! Wait! So is sarcasm. Dang. Anyway, this will give the doctor a way to to see what is going on and hopefully diagnose me and give me the tools to manage the problem. Meanwhile I am learning some great lessons. I am learning to be patient. I am learning that I have limitations and am, after all, merely mortal. Each day I am grateful for the smallest of things. I can't control the seasons or change the number of days allotted to me by worrying. May sound like trivial stuff, but it's the glue of life well lived; gratitude and knowing your limitations. How ...

I have had several people ask me how my 'near death' experience started and it is a fair question so here are the details as best as I can remember them. I had been feeling poorly for a long time. Most of it was what I thought came with being overweight, under-exercised and over fifty. The last couple of months I have been miserable with allergies. My allergy meds made me sleepy and I was already exhausted. I thought it was normal to be this tired because I had gone from not working to working full time and doing a lot of training. I thought my allergies had morphed into a sinus infection or something creepy and my throat was sore. I had lost my voice and couldn't work. Since I was still on probation at work, I needed to see a doctor and have a doctor's excuse for not being at work. So, on Thursday I went to the local walk-in clinic. The clinic doctor came in and looked me over and said, "You look like you may have strep throat. You feeling miserable?" ...

I went to the doctor yesterday for a follow-up to my surgery. My doctor walked into the exam room, shook my hand and sat down and scrutinized me. His gaze held mine and I finally asked, "Are you just going to stare at me?" He smiled and said, "Yes, for a while. Is that alright?" After a time he said, "Wow, you really look good." To which I responded, "I feel really good. " Sheepishly I told him, "I probably look much better than the first time you saw me." We exchanged smiles for a moment then he got up and started his exam. He said something that made my head spin, "You were a dead woman on that table in the ER." As I lay on the exam table I was lost for anything meaningful to say. I think I managed something close to, "I am very appreciative and glad to be alive." How lame is that? Of course, that's not what I really wanted to say. What I really wanted to tell him was that I believe in the absol...

It's a slow road to recovery, but each day I feel a little better. I am trying to focus on the providence and mercies of our God as I continue healing. I so appreciate the prayers that have been offered to our Father on my behalf. I get a visit from my home health care nurse tomorrow and hopefully she will give me a good report. Monday I hope to see my surgeon and begin having the staples removed. For now I wish to focus on this second chance to serve God. I read this today and I am asking that God brand it in my heart- that I should be drawn to Him like a needle to a magnet. Love is an expansion of soul, or the inflaming of the affections, by which a Christian breathes after God as the supreme and sovereign good. Love is to the soul as the weights to the clock, it sets the soul-a-going towards God, as the wings by which we fly to heaven. By love we cleave to God, as the needle to the lodestone. -- Thomas Watson

I passed the test that I have been studying for- thanks be to God! I am grateful for those of you who prayed for me. I passed the test by the grace of God and the skin of my teeth. Your prayers for me were the difference, I know it. I am sitting here sipping Pellegrino in celebration. In the midst of my elation I am also on the ragged edge- but not in a bad way. I have so many things going on in my life just now that I am in a constant state of kinetic energy. Ever been like that? Sort of worn out and frazzled, but in a good way. If I lose my balance at all, stuff may come crashing to the floor but for the nonce, it's all good. God's timing, because it is always perfect, never ceases to amaze me. My sister's life is full of taking care of her dad. I know she has been very mindful that I had hours of free time that were threatening to choke the life out of me as they morphed into hours of boredom and self-pity. She doesn't have to worry about me and can focus on her dad....