I had what I thought was a brilliant idea and I can't seem to make myself do it. Laziness or the Lord's intervention? I don't know. I have written a note to the doctors who did my surgery. I wanted to tell them how much I appreciate their skill and care, but mostly I wanted to tell them that all the events that took place to bring me to the emergency room were carefully orchestrated by God and that he had chosen them to be the tools He would use to save my life. I want to encourage them that their sacrifices to become surgeons have been an excellent way to use the skills and abilities God has given them. Here's the idea I had.... I wanted them to see how many people's lives they touch when they operate on someone. I thought I would ask all the folks who care about me to write to them and encourage them by saying thank you. I want it to be completely about the doctors and not me, but I can't seem to solidify or carry through with this idea. I would really like to bless this husband and wife surgeon team but I am stuck.
Ever been stuck? How do you determine when it is the Lord holding you back or your own procrastination or other character flaw rising to the surface?
I had nightmares last night. I dreamt of being in a house I was sharing with people I don't know and there was gun fire, people playing with guns in unsafe ways. I also discovered body parts hidden in various places in the house. I was terrified that I would be charged with homicide and debated whether or not to call the authorities. I was bitterly disappointed in my dream because I went along with the other people in the house and remained quiet. How could I do that, especially after working in law enforcement for over a decade? I need a Joseph to tell me what that dream meant.....or to forget it and never dream anything like that again.
I feel sort of dazed and confused. My friends tell me to lighten up on myself, I just had major surgery and need time to recover. You know what I fear? I fear being one of those people folks talk about and say, "She was never quite the same after that emergency surgery." Only they don't mean that I was kinder, gentler or wiser. They don't mean that I was obviously closer to my God. What they mean is my intellect has misfired and I never could put a cogent thought together after my surgery.
I think I need more coffee. I rented the dvd Expelled. Perhaps I'll spend some time with Ben Stein and get back to you. I'll leave you all with this question. If pro generally defines a positive position or stance why is procrastination a negative thing?