rambling rosemarie

....and dirty water came out. I was pretty heavily medicated yesterday and that made it more difficult for me to practice self-control. I have difficulty doing that on a good day, but with inhibitions removed I have found my calling; I am mean. One of my professors once said, "When you squeeze a sponge and dirty water comes out, it's not the pressure that made the water dirty, the dirt was there to begin with." It's really true. It isn't the (prescribed) controlled substances that make me cranky. I am pretty much cranky to begin with. As I sit here today I think I am experiencing a prescription drug hang-over. It's hard to tell, my brain is so fuzzy these days no matter what I am taking. I wish you could see my office. It truly looks like a madman decorated it using a fragmentation grenade and a dust buffalo scatter gun. I believe I took my life in my hands trying to get to the desk. Ever seen "Hoarders?" Consider my office looking like some...

So I went to the doctor today and by God's providence I was in the middle of one of the "episodes" I have been trying to explain. "Well, Dr. A, first I notice this rash in my eyebrows and on my cheeks. Next I get this overwhelming fatigue. Then my GI tract seems to want to kill me. First it slows way down and then it is over active. I can't figure out what starts the cycle, but it has a pattern." She looks at me and says, "I see the rash on your face right now.... there is a connective tissue chronic disorder...." And so now I am being tested for Lupus. Nobody asked me if I thought I might like to have Lupus. So now I have to decide if I want to scare myself silly by consulting Dr. Google and finding out all about Lupus, or just wait until the tests come back. It would probably behoove me to decide to forgo the consultation with Dr. Google and place this broken down body in the care and safety of the Great Physician and rest in His purposes. Lupu...