12 June 2012

I Disappoint Myself

I have preconceived ideas about the way people should behave. It is because of this that I find myself in a constant state of disappointment, disbelief or downright disgust. Occasionally I am dumbfounded and rarer still delighted- but who rants about being delighted?  Not I.

It seems the more age I pack on the weirder I become but it's coupled with a strange mellowing. Things that were of monumental importance to me once don't merit a blip on the radar screen of my life. Things that formerly would send me into verbal tirades now don't elicit an 'eh.    My annoyance radar has been calibrated to monitor different life obstacles. Age, some wisdom and a lot of sanctification have gone into this change. God's hammered me on His anvil over and over again and I am a better woman for it.  Despite my objections.

Sometimes I let circumstances get the better of me and I react to life's challenges with emotion instead of faith.  I find it a most distasteful character flaw in others and loathe it when I succumb to the temptation to pitch a fit about something. Even though I keep what's occurring in my life very private, I expect to be given some slack when I misbehave, though I seldom return the favor.

Most of the time I am really good at empathizing with people. I can imagine the crotchety old man down the street was once charming. Something happened to make him so miserable. The crazy lady with the cats went to her prom dressed like a princess and smelling of perfume, not eau-du feline pee-pee. Most of the time I am tenderhearted for the fools and the unfortunates that don't fit in. Did you hear that?  How telling is it that? I label folks as fools and unfortunates when they don't measure up to my expectations. What a jerk I can be. When I least expect it I slip from empathy into judgement. In the blink of an eye I turn rabid and am not to be trusted.  I am not the only one, you do it too.   We all tend to forget that the lives of the people we encounter have context.  The pictures we laugh at on "People of Walmart" bear the Imago Dei.  Most of them had parents who were thrilled to bring them home from the hospital, swaddled and loved. They may be the apple of God's eye and as such are not to be mocked. Truth is I live in fear of finding my own picture on that site. So much so I no longer click the links my friends post to me "for laughs."

And then there are the times I disappoint myself.  I say or do things that don't fall on my list of sanctioned behavior. Who do you complain to when you're the one not acting right?  If only complaining worked for trouble such as this...  I'd have heaven on earth.

Holy Lord, I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ. Go on to subdue my corruptions, and grant me grace to live above them.- Valley of Vision