My life is in need more than new material by Aaron Sorkin. I wish that a little cleverness and some great one-liners could make the sort of difference that might matter in my life. Imagine if sarcasm and wry humor could cure what ails me! I am really good at sarcasm. I know it's not that easy. I delude myself into thinking that there is some quick fix available for me if only I had the money to buy it or the ingenuity to create it. Perhaps what I need is the right person to care enough about me or the right doctor to prescribe the chemical balancing medication. While I am wishing, why not a fairy godmother to wave her magic wand and fix me or a lover to hold my hand in just the right manner. . . Anything but getting off my well cushioned backside and disciplining myself to change- especially if that discipline involves confessing that I am hopelessly unable and begging God to change me. I know it's the only efficacious way to change but I just can't want to do it.
I am wandering on the "If Only" Wilderness Highway. If Only I had some real, tangible faith to sustain me. If Only I had the desire to seek Him instead of my own comfort. If Only I could cultivate discipline. If Only the Lord would ..... well, you get the idea. The If Only Wilderness Highway doesn't lead you into the Promised Land. Hear that music? Yup that's AC/DC playing. The "If Only" Wilderness Highway is the "Highway to Hell."
I am discouraged today. I am disillusioned with myself, which on the surface sounds like a good thing but it is not. Being disappointed or disillusioned with yourself only means that you still think you can do it but are miffed or depressed because you failed. You cannot be both fully dependent on the Lord to change you and disappointed that you haven't successfully changed yourself. Being fully dependent on God isn't a state tinged with regret, shame or humiliation. It can't be. Full and absolute dependence on Him is resting in his perfect plan, timing, mercy and grace. (Romans 8:1, 1 John 4:18, Acts 13:38-39.)
Now before anyone gets their knickers in a twist, yes I know that we are supposed to strive and study to show ourselves approved. (2 Timothy 2:15, Hebrews 4:11, 2 Peter 1:10). I haven't gone Keswickian and joined the "Let Go and Let God" movement. What I am looking for that sweet spot where you study and contend; fighting the good fight and doing it while fully relying on God for the results. I am stalled out because I am willing to want it but not willing to work for it.
I need to come to the end of myself and fear what it will take to get me there.
08 September 2009
03 September 2009
Please. Return to writing television programs. I am stuck at home with an injured neck and back and my activity level has been severely limited. I find myself sitting on my couch watching entirely too much television. Bad television. The highlight of my day? Watching reruns of The West Wing on Bravo. I need you to return to writing programs where the viewer is required a modicum of intelligence. I am on prescribed medications that render me sleepy and unable to operate heavy machinery, not stupid. Rescue me. Please.
I repent for all the times I referred to West Wing as "The Left Wing." I apologize for every time I groaned at hearing the same lines in The West Wing that were used in the movie, The American President. I am truly sorry for using your name in vain when Studio 60 was canceled. It was a knee jerk reaction and not your fault. I know that now. However, as much as I regret my prior behavior, it is only fair to warn you that I cannot be placated with suggestions to watch A Few Good Men and Charlie Wilson's War. Been there, done that-multiple times already. I need new mind candy. You are for me what more cowbell is for Walken. I have a bad back and the only cure is more Sorkin.
This is my first post in quite some time. I know all three of the people who read my blog are going to be highly suspect of me and may never read another thing I write. They may even question my salvation. It is well known, after all, that you are a (gulp) Democrat. I don't care. Desperate times call for desperate measures and so I am willing to beg you, even at considerable risk to my reputation as my pastor reads my blog! It is a chance I am willing to take after making a few things clear. No, I do not agree with your politics. I am not ready to join the Dark Side also known as the Democratic Party. I am still a bible believing, pro-life, complimentarian Republican woman. I am merely saying that some decently written entertainment would be a nice change from the mess that's offered on the idiot box these days, even when I disagree with the writer's presuppositions and conclusions. I am begging you, Aaron Sorkin, write something for television!
Respectfully yours until the drug induced haze lifts and I am able to read books again,