20 February 2013

Tripe, Sweetbreads, Tomato Soup

It is starting to be one of those days. I decided I wanted some mango with breakfast. All four of the mangoes I purchased were beautiful on the outside and brown on the inside. Next I thought a mushroom and spinach omelet would be nice and it probably would be if I had remembered to purchase mushrooms or spinach. They were on the list that I left on the island in my kitchen when I went to the store.  I never used to need lists so it's no wonder I forgot it. I am having to teach myself to write them. We'll work on taking them with me next.  I do have an app for that and it works great if I remember to use it. Maybe I just need a good cup of coffee?

I have a K-cup holder next to my Kreurig, it's pretty handy when you remember to fill it. I went to the pantry,  opened a new box of K-cups and promptly returned it to the cupboard only I'd really opened the fridge and stood there for a moment thinking, "What's wrong with this picture?" I did a fairly good job of covering by grabbing the cream while was in there.  It actually took me a second to figure out what possible reason I could come up with for opening the fridge instead of the pantry.  Maybe it was because I was distracted by the sounds of Mali Meep Cat hacking up a hair ball for me. What a delightful kitty she can be.

As I stood at the kitchen sink washing my hands thoughts of the new Dunkin' Donuts that's gone in downtown entered my head. Oh sure, they probably don't have any gluten and calorie free donuts but at this point, who cares?  It's only been a few days since I announced to you seven readers that I need to lose weight and am desperate to find a way to get healthy. I have been doing some preliminary research on what foods my body can tolerate. The pseudo-scientist in me is fascinated. The fat 55 year old is discouraged.

I tried a few days of the slow carb diet a friend suggested. I thought it was going to be great. My gastrointestinal tract is a mess but it loves the type of fiber in legumes; my pancreas has other ideas. While most folks see a nice stable blood sugar result from eating beans and lentils my blood sugar has spiked huge each time I eat them. On the other hand my blood sugar stays really low when I eat a tiny bit of protein with lots of leafy greens and fresh veggies but my guts wage war on me.  It's like making a political decision for my body, which is the lesser of the two evils?

Going paleo seems to be a compromise worth trying.  Meanwhile I will continue to prick my finger on the spindle of life as a diabetic and experiment with what foods work for me. It will probably be something like tripe and sweetbreads or tomato soup which is probably more disgusting than the aforementioned items.

The good news is I am still working at it.

Proverbs 16:3  Commit to the LORD whatever you do,  and he will establish your plans.

10 February 2013

Let the Battle Begin!

I haven't written in quite some time and I have missed it. Writing is therapeutic for me. It's a chance to give voice to the random inner monologue that swirls around in my head. Writing is safe. Safer than sitting down with a live body and having a chat at any rate. There's generally instant feedback and vulnerability when in person communication occurs. Yuck.  I have anxiety at the very thought. Relationships that matter scare me silly.  I can hold my own in conversation but to actually share the oddities that make me the woman that I am seems far too risky. If you really knew what craziness resides in me, you'd run for the hills. Well, maybe not run but you'd likely wonder if I had a few kinks in my slinky.

I am good-natured about some of my quirks, even though they have been exploited by friends and family as a source of amusement.  Take my inability to drink the entire contents of a glass.  I used to drive my mother crazy because I would have an inch of milk in my glass and I would add another inch to it then drink it back down to the inch mark- throwing what remained in the glass away.  She would get furious with me. Of course my explanation was logical to me. I was afraid to see what might be in the bottom of the glass.  What if I could see where the bottom hadn't been properly cleaned? What if remnants of some food were down there?  I could probably die if my throat expected milk and got something semi-solid or crumbly!  My sister, Linda, was the one most likely to sneak something into my glass in the hopes of provoking a reaction. Slices of cucumber, pieces of iceberg lettuce, a hunk of banana.... anything she could casually slip into the glass. I freaked out and gagged on multiple occasions to the amusement of my sister or friends. I get that it's funny. It didn't make me feel picked on but I suppose that had a lot to do with the innocuous nature of what was slipped into my glass.

I've had to put my big girl pants on and deal with a lot of my quirks and anxieties. For instance, I am afraid of  mail. I don't know why and I know it's not reasonable so I make myself deal with it.  I freak out at bugs and snakes. Once my ability to think returns after happening upon either of those creepy things, I can appreciate the way they are made and how they look but initially I scream like the dumb girl that's about to be eaten by the shark or killed by the monster in some low budget horror flick. The older I get the more anxious I become. I used to love to explore caves and crawl into tight places. Now? I am claustrophobic to the point of full blown panic attacks. A while back I had to beg my way out of an MRI (Make Rosemarie Insane). I was in the machine for perhaps 30 seconds.

My current anxiety is the surgery I need on my neck and my back.  First they want to do injections between my vertebrae. They really expect me to be OK with them sticking a needle and administering some sort of therapeutic chemicals between my vertebrae and right next to my spinal cord. Oh heck no! I'll let them amputate at the neck for my pain reduction before I will let them do that!

If I am to be honest, the majority of my problem with having surgery or injections stems from my being overweight. My body has broken down to the point that I can no longer ignore the extra poundage. I can't afford to play ignorant nor pretend that I am OK with myself at whatever size.  I have developed type two diabetes and high blood pressure. My back, neck and knees are shot.  I really need to get about the business of shedding pounds. Even if the degenerative disc disease won't be altered at least if I have to be dependent on others they will be able to move me about with more ease.

So, my faithful 7 readers,  I will be getting honest in my blog about what I am doing to get healthier.  It will require being more honest about, dare I say it, the emotions that drive me to eat things I know I shouldn't and / or more than I need.   It may mean that I lose all 7 of you and that will be sad, but if writing my way through this helps me lose the weight and shake free of the things that drive me to eat more than my body needs, it's a price I am willing to pay. I am waging war on myself. I could use some allies.

Prayers and encouragement appreciated.