Skip to main content

Survivor's Guilt



It's been a very long while since I have written anything at all here. It's been longer still since I have written anything of value or substance. I have been working long hours for little pay but in this economy I am very glad to have a job.
Gratitude is something I have been thinking about a lot. Gratitude for me is a double edged sword. Often when I am grateful for some malady I have been spared, it means someone else has suffered. Take the ice-storms that have recently crippled Kentucky. I was slightly inconvenienced and happy that I didn't lose power or water. Sure, I lost my internet and phone connections, but my heat worked just fine. I feel kind of creepy though. I guess it is a form of survivors guilt.
I have discovered that I have survivors guilt in a whole lot of areas and I am not sure what to make of that revelation. I am guilty, perhaps that's why. I don't deserve the many blessings I have had. I don't know why God has spared me from any part of the misery that should be mine, let alone saved my soul.
This is a particularly difficult topic to try and talk about because it can seem that it's a ploy for attention or some sort of super spiritual superiority trip. I assure you, I am just muddling my way through things. I don't have anything to offer that is spiritually superior. I struggle with doubt and lack of discipline. I wonder how in the world I can behave the way I do and profess Christ at the same time.






Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Procrastination- Propaganda- Profundity

When I am studying something that bothers me, I do just about anything I can to stall. In doing so I stumble upon a lot of odd information. I love history and any student of history will tell you that most everything we are familiar with has had an odd beginning. Sometimes there will be different odd stories regarding the genesis of a myth, folkway or idiom. Somewhere in the mix the truth can be found. You just have to look.

While I lived in Australia I went to a visit a little town on the Murray River called Echuca. Echuca has a wonderful history and boasts the largest collection of paddle steamers in the world. It also has a coach house and carriage museum. It was during my visit to the carriage museum that I was told the origin of the expression to 'drop off to sleep.' According the docent, the carriage cheap seats were the ones outside and on the back. You had a platform to sit on and a rope or rail to hang onto for dear life. During a long trip a poor unfortun…

Sleep Snorkel Surprise

Summer colds. Blech! Is there anything more annoying that being too hot and having your nose run like Bridalveil Fall? Probably but nothing comes to mind right now. My nose is red and raw from all the sneezing and blowing and I have been using Puff's. Imagine if I had some generic sandpaper tissue instead? I could probably die from the pain. Death by runny nose rough tissue rhinoplasty.
I went to bed very early last night because I was feeling miserable. I have sleep apnea and therefore sleep with a bipap machine that keeps from crumping in my sleep. Now, I love my little bipap machine. I got it after my near death experience a few years ago when the nurses in the ICU turned me in to the doctor because I never slept. Once I was released from the hospital they sent me for a sleep study. I had to do it twice because they wait for you to fall to sleep and monitor your breathing in order to decide if you need a machine. Generally they try different types of machines and differe…

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit.

Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even the…