31 December 2009


I think too much about things of little importance and spend too little time meditating on things that matter. Like most folks in our culture, the end of the year turns my thoughts to past events, both good and bad, and wonder at what the next year may bring. I know that I have lived more years than I have left to live. I am 52 and cannot even claim middle-age. I have no intention of being 104 years old. In my current state of health, I will be lucky to reach 54, but then I don't believe in luck. It's providence that I believe in. God ordained events, meted out to me in perfect parcels, containing exactly what I need for my sanctification. I know that but it doesn't keep me from wanting to negotiate with God like He's Monty Hall and ask for what's behind door number two.

The road less traveled. The greener grass. The love that belongs to someone else. Those are the places my mind wanders when no one is looking. Opinions about the state of the economy, how to live in this world as a God fearing woman, how close this world is to the handbasket my grandmother warned me about, those are the places I start thinking but invariably my mind wanders to what it loves best. Me. Me and how I don't have what I want or what I expected to have by now.

What did I expect? To be one of those sage, scripture spouting spiritual woman who prayed for people 24 hours a day, rescued orphans, taught English to refugees, made dinner for shut-ins and traveled to assist various missionaries. I thought my contribution to the body of Christ was going to rival Amy Carmichael and Corrie ten Boom. I had no idea how faithless and undisciplined I really was and am. I had some pretty grandiose ideas about my worth. That part has changed. I do know who I am and what God has saved me from. What I don't understand is what is broken in me that those things do not motivate me to live accordingly.

I was watching a court drama on television and as the trial was coming to its climactic conclusion a recess was called. The bad guy in the drama knew he was going to be sentenced and had in fact admitted his guilt, but he was a free man awaiting his sentencing. The recess gave him one more day of freedom but there was nothing he could do to earn back the judgment that was coming, but he had one more day of 'freedom.' Free to be what he was, a guilty but unsentenced man.

Each day we're here we are working toward the day when we will be sentenced. If the righteousness of Christ has been imputed to you, there is nothing you did to deserve it or merit it. You can't cajole Him into giving it to you, it's yours because you are belong to Him. You are saved by grace through faith. The gavel comes down and you're pronounced "not guilty." None of us knows when the gavel will fall, when our final breath will be taken and court reconvenes.

As the New Year comes I have no idea what it will bring. I only know that I need to start living like court is in session for me and those I love.

Phil 3:13-14
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of {it} yet; but one thing {I do} forgetting what {lies} behind and reaching forward to what {lies} ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.


Hobster said...

Thanks for this

rosemarie said...

Thank you, you're my faithful reader!

Carla said...

Amen rozie, thank you for the encouragement this morning.