10 May 2010

Taking the Sting Out

I hate Mother's Day. It dredges up every raw emotion I have about not being raised by my mother, about losing my mom when she was so young once I did get to have her in my life... about the guilt of being young and stupid and not wanting to recognize my step-mom/auntie as mom on Mother's Day. Now that I have been in her shoes, it's especially difficult. I get the sting of being ignored and the larger more painful sting of knowing I deserve it. As you sow.... so shall you reap.

I am doing a study on fear for a seminar I will be giving. I have titled it Fear Knot or Fear Not! It's been beneficial for me as I can see how many areas of my life are tinged or controlled by fear. As I sit here feeling the pain of regret and neglect, I have to say I wish God had told us Hurt Not! He didn't though. There's no place this side of heaven where we aren't guaranteed pain, suffering and tears.

This morning a backhoe arrived in the vacant lot next to my house. It's been nice not having a house right next to mine but it appears that is going to change. I found myself looking at homes for sale in my area. Why? Because I am fearing all the changes that could come having neighbors close to me. We never fear good things will come into our lives- just bad. In my worst fears there will be a family with noisy, smart mouthed kids that move in and they will have animals that they neglect and let run wild. It doesn't even occur to me that whoever is having the house built could be fearing that I am a neighbor from the pits of hell with two yappy dogs and no brick on my house. Apparently my house should be at least two thirds brick but I have vinyl siding. One of the other neighbors pointed that out to me a year or so after I bought my house. It seems whoever built this house 10 years ago sneaked it in without brick. So I am worrying what they are trying to sneak in now.

Raw wounds, worries, fears... but something else is there too. Something that I am not used to having pop into my head: hope. That's the topic for the next study and seminar I am doing- hope. Not hope that bad things wont happen, not hope that I get my way through life.... but the kind of hope that doesn't disappoint. Hope in the right things. Hope in the only thing I have that's good and right and holy and just. Hope that Jesus Christ is my righteousness, my savior, my deliverer. Hope that this isn't all there is and that my sorry life counts for something in His hands. Not because I am worth it, but He is and for reasons I will never understand God has decided I belong to Him.

Romans 5:1-5
1 Therefore having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom also we have obtained our introduction by faith into this grace in which we stand; and we exult in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance;
4 and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope;
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

2 Corinthians 5:18-21
18 Now all {these} things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ, and gave us the ministry of reconciliation,
19 namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.
20 Therefore, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were entreating through us; we beg you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.
21 He made Him who knew no sin {to be} sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Colossians 1:19-22
19 For it was the {Father's} good pleasure for all the fulness to dwell in Him,
20 and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, {I say} whether things on earth or things in heaven.
21 And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, {engaged} in evil deeds,
22 yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach--

1 comment:

Victoria Lynch said...

Wow Rose, being a mother who lost her only child 11 years ago I can relate to this so much. I will never hear that beautiful voice say "HI Mom" again. I will never hear little voices say "Hi grandma" I hate Mothers"s Day too. Sometimes it is almost unbearable to me.

I love the quotes from Romans and I also love the place in Revelation that says God Himself will wipe away every tear!

One thing we know Rose: only the Christian has hope--a peculiar and wonderful treasure from God to His own people.