28 September 2010

Obstacle Allusions

I was up at 5:00am this morning. Showered and sitting at my kitchen table finishing up a bible study by 6:30. At 8:40 I was in my car driving to meet with several ladies from our small town at a community bible study that is held at my church. I never made it. I found myself shopping at Kroger at 8:50 and back home by 9:45. Why? I wish I could tell you exactly why.

The bible study I am doing isn't among my favorites but the women I study with are. Admittedly, I was puzzled by something in the study that bothered me. It was an intimation that when Christ said: "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" He was addressing the other two members of the Trinity- hence He said "Eloi" twice. The study is on covenants and the author also correlated that in God's covenant with Abraham the smoking oven and flaming torch we also the remaining members of the Trinity. "Could it be that...." the author asked. Making statements by masquerading them as questions is generally an appeal to the reader or hearer to connect dots that the author hasn't been able to. Now does such speculation make me think the study's author is a heretic? No. I don't know what to make of the things the author has tied together except that I have never heard anyone do so before and can find no Scriptural warrant for it.

Is that why I ditched the bible study? Is it significant that I went shopping instead? I certainly was not in mortal need of the donuts I bought and ate on the drive home. I could have lived without the Cran-Grape drink too. If pressed, I have a list of reasons- plausible ones- that prevented me from arriving at bible study. It hurts my back and left leg to sit. I can't drive and take the medications to relieve my pain so I must sit and suffer during bible study. Additionally I have many difficult challenges that lie ahead. Some things I am not at liberty to discuss. They are not unlike the challenges that many face...many of whom still manage to make it to bible study. If I am honest I have to admit I didn't want to sit and listen to women oooh and awwww over the questions posited by the author- specifically the ones that bugged me. But being the lone voice of dissent isn't generally something that will stop me from giving my opinion.

I think the best way to sum up why I am at home drinking a cup of coffee and downing some pain medication is this: I wanted to. Right or wrong, I wanted to be home in my sweats more than I wanted to be in fellowship with my sisters in Christ. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts more than I wanted to be sharpened by theirs. Does this make me a heretic? I don't think so but you may have a different opinion.

I do need some time to filter the events going on in my life and inspect them through the lens of Scripture. I do need to consider some areas of my personality that need refining. Mostly I need to quit trying to do the right thing for the sake of appearance. If I am going to allude to obstacles... I have to admit the obstacle is me.

Psalm 32:3 When I kept silent {about my sin} my body wasted away through my groaning all day long.

Romans 7:24-25
24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?
25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.

Ps 130:3 If Thou, LORD, shouldst mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?

Romans 8:26-27
26 And in the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for {us} with groanings too deep for words;
27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to {the will of} God.


Jackie Pickett said...

Rosemarie- I just prayed for you in your time of reflection in the Lord. I also wanted to let you know how much I admire your honesty in your posts. It seems to me to be a rare thing sometimes, espicially among women. It is what first attracted me to your blog. I am strengthened in the Lord when I read about your struggles. Thank you for your vulnerability. It is much appreciated.

rosemarie said...

Thanks Jacki, it helps to know that I am encouraging someone. I mean that. 2 Cor 1:3-5- I used to think that meant I had to go through every crisis known to man in order to be a good counselor- someone to be used by Him. Now I know better and just hang on to the promise that I have comfort. Reminds me of the first question in the Heidelberg Catechism. Maybe I should pull that out and start memorizing.... :)