Tangles

I have decided that blogging is a combination of letter writing, journaling and home movies - only without the movie part. That's better than what I used to think about it. I used to think that it was like open mic night on the net and everyone thought they were funny or had a message of national import.... but most of are wrong. That's why I have always felt a little sheepish about blogging. Do I think I am funny or that I have a public service announcement to make? Neither really. Sometimes both. Mostly I think I am looking for that elusive Vulcan mind-meld with one other person. The object of a writer's desire is the chance to touch with words; the right combination of syllables and symbols to lock into someone's psyche like one Lego fits onto another. I blog because I need to write. Writing is like hair conditioner for my soul. It helps me work my tangles.

Sometimes when I am pensive I fancy myself an old gold miner optimistically sifting through mud and silt looking for shiny objects, hoping that I can amass the tiny glimmers into a solid thought. One with some heft and value. It works upon a rare occasion. Mostly what I get is cold, wet and frustrated. All that glitters is not gold. That's something my father said a lot while I was growing up. J.R.R. Tolkien said:

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

I like Tolkien's prose better, but both have their merit.

For tonight my thoughts remain knotted. I am in that spectacular place where you find yourself believing strongly both ways. Pulled. Stretched. Tested. Broken. Pulled, stretched, tested, broken. Pulledstretchedtestedbroken. I have always believed that God doesn't give you more than you can handle....because that's what He says. Sure feels differently when it's you being pulled and stretched. Makes me wonder how many times I have seemed callous and without empathy for those I have counseled. Being a counselor I know the scary part is still coming. Sometimes you have to be broken so you're small enough to fit through the escape chute. Tiny itty bitty pieces.... yup. It is indeed a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, that you may be able to endure it.

Jeremiah 12:5 "If you have run with footmen and they have tired you out, then how can you compete with horses? If you fall down in a land of peace, how will you do in the thicket of the Jordan?

1 Peter 5:8-9
8 Be of sober {spirit,} be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls about like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.
9 But resist him, firm in {your} faith, knowing that the same experiences of suffering are being accomplished by your brethren who are in the world.

Psalm 125:1-5
1 Those who trust in the LORD are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved, but abides forever.
2 As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds His people from this time forth and forever.
3 For the scepter of wickedness shall not rest upon the land of the righteous; that the righteous may not put forth their hands to do wrong.
4 Do good, O LORD, to those who are good, and to those who are upright in their hearts.
5 But as for those who turn aside to their crooked ways, the LORD will lead them away with the doers of iniquity. Peace be upon Israel.

Hebrews 10:31 It is a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God.

Psalm 76:7 Thou, even Thou, art to be feared; and who may stand in Thy presence when once Thou art angry?

Psalm 90:11-13
11 Who understands the power of Thine anger, and Thy fury, according to the fear that is due Thee?
12 So teach us to number our days, that we may present to Thee a heart of wisdom.
13 Do return, O LORD; how long {will it be} And be sorry for Thy servants.
(NAS)