Altered by Sanctification

I have lost my identity. I was Rosemarie the Opinionated. Rosemarie the Certain. I have been known as Rosemarie do the Right Thing and told I had an uncanny ability to discern what the right thing was. I have become someone else. My opinions are muddled. My way is unsure. The real question I have to answer is whether my identity has been stolen from me or have I given it away? Is who I am being altered by sanctification and I am feeling the growing pains of the woman I am becoming? Have I been seeing through a glass dimly? Have I been blown off course?

Lately, I have that horrible feeling of unrest that comes from unspoken sorrow. I am reaping the sour fruit of unspoken words. Somewhere deep in my soul there's a kettle full of self-pity and disappointment simmering over a fire fueled by the bitterness of missed opportunity and realizing my insignificance. Can someone explain to me, like I am a two year old, how a Christian can be bought with so high a price as Jesus paid to redeem His own, and yet come to grips with how insignificant they are in the larger scheme of things.

I know the pat answer. I know that my significance comes from Christ and being in Him. I exist because of Him. I exist to worship and glorify Him. Is that to be played out on a sterile field? I think I was meant for more- to do more. Is that pride talking smack to my already overinflated ego or deep calling unto deep? Keep going I love you. Keep obliterating me, I love You too. Is that the tune I am dancing to? When I asked You to make me a good counselor, was I signing up for every crisis known to mankind? Is this dark abyss where I'll find the legend to a treasure map, the route of sanctification? Certification to guide others out? All of the above?

I need a new song, Lord. Rescue me from myself.

Psalm 143:10-11

10 Teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God; let Thy good Spirit lead me on level ground.

11 For the sake of Thy name, O LORD, revive me. In Thy righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.

Hebrews 13:20-21

20 Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, {even} Jesus our Lord,

21 equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom {be} the glory forever and ever. Amen.

(NAS)