Skip to main content

Altered by Sanctification

I have lost my identity. I was Rosemarie the Opinionated. Rosemarie the Certain. I have been known as Rosemarie do the Right Thing and told I had an uncanny ability to discern what the right thing was. I have become someone else. My opinions are muddled. My way is unsure. The real question I have to answer is whether my identity has been stolen from me or have I given it away? Is who I am being altered by sanctification and I am feeling the growing pains of the woman I am becoming? Have I been seeing through a glass dimly? Have I been blown off course?

Lately, I have that horrible feeling of unrest that comes from unspoken sorrow. I am reaping the sour fruit of unspoken words. Somewhere deep in my soul there's a kettle full of self-pity and disappointment simmering over a fire fueled by the bitterness of missed opportunity and realizing my insignificance. Can someone explain to me, like I am a two year old, how a Christian can be bought with so high a price as Jesus paid to redeem His own, and yet come to grips with how insignificant they are in the larger scheme of things.

I know the pat answer. I know that my significance comes from Christ and being in Him. I exist because of Him. I exist to worship and glorify Him. Is that to be played out on a sterile field? I think I was meant for more- to do more. Is that pride talking smack to my already overinflated ego or deep calling unto deep? Keep going I love you. Keep obliterating me, I love You too. Is that the tune I am dancing to? When I asked You to make me a good counselor, was I signing up for every crisis known to mankind? Is this dark abyss where I'll find the legend to a treasure map, the route of sanctification? Certification to guide others out? All of the above?

I need a new song, Lord. Rescue me from myself.



Psalm 143:10-11
10 Teach me to do Thy will, for Thou art my God; let Thy good Spirit lead me on level ground.
11 For the sake of Thy name, O LORD, revive me. In Thy righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.


Hebrews 13:20-21
20 Now the God of peace, who brought up from the dead the great Shepherd of the sheep through the blood of the eternal covenant, {even} Jesus our Lord,
21 equip you in every good thing to do His will, working in us that which is pleasing in His sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom {be} the glory forever and ever. Amen.
(NAS)





Labels:

Comments

jen said…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMEZRy_7018&feature=related


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIqGbeM62kc&feature=related


Sorry you have to copy and paste the links.

I love you.
February 4, 2011 at 5:38 AM
Victoria said…
Rozie-you are no different than the rest of us-just more honest I guess-I love that about you. I love you too, girlfriend. You always hit the right spot in your musings.
February 12, 2011 at 12:47 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Character Flaws, Sin and Remediation

I have been thinking about my last post in which I offered to talk about how having a job has shown or magnified my character flaws. Before I do though, I want to distinguish between character flaws and sin. My character flaws predispose me to sin in certain areas more readily than in others. Indulging in my character flaws is sinful. Entertaining the idea of indulging my character flaws is sinful. They are the weaknesses in me where my flesh makes itself known by screaming, "You know you want to!!" Too often I hear Christians lamenting that they "make mistakes" or are victims of their genetic make-up and intimate that they should, therefore, be excused from culpability for being prone to certain activities. Our cultural dependence on a medical model to define our behavior has given many what they see as a plausible excuse for sin. I don't see that caveat in the Word. For Christians, the Word is always our standard. It is the standard by which all will be j
7 comments
Read more

Fear Down, Hope and Peace to Go!

Last night I had the honor and privilege to present some information to the women of my church. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love and appreciate them. The seminar I did was on fear. God is clever and He had me present the information to them because I needed it. It's not that I don't want to study things for my own benefit and growth, but whenever I do a topical study to teach it, I see how badly I needed it and how much more I have to repent of than I realized. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know. That's a topic I want to return to in another post. I want to talk about the ladies for a moment. They are an incredibly loving group of women. Women who seek God and are teachable. They have gone out of their way to include me and love on me, which speaks volumes of their characters because I am not all that lovable. I am not being self-deprecating here. I am a mix of endearing and maddening qualities like anyone else. What I am telling you is
1 comment
Read more

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit. Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even th
8 comments
Read more