40 Day 40 Minute Challenge Days 5-7 Failing Forward

Confession: I have failed, but not epically.

I have a new computer. It is smarter than I am, which admittedly doesn't take much. I was unable to get it out of the box let alone up and running Sunday, hence no blogging. I wasn't feeling so great but I did get myself to the kitchen table and make myself read and pray. I felt so bad physically that it's hard to say what benefit I received, except that I did it. I read I Timothy and two chapters of Proverbs. What stuck in my mind after reading was Paul telling us the law is good when used lawfully. It made me think of the United States and what we're going through these days.

Failed to get to the table on day 6. I failed at just about every endeavor yesterday. Know what I learned? If you fail, get back to it and don't beat yourself up. Repentance is not about punishing yourself or talking smack to yourself about yourself. If I started some self-flagellation, self-condemnation or similar silliness, I would have dreaded the thought of returning for fear of failing again. Ever do that to yourself? Fear failure so much that you don't get back up and dust yourself off when you stumble or fall? I even tell myself things like "You knew you weren't going to be successful." Or remind myself of hurtful things that were said to me as a child. "Didn't everyone tell you you were no damned good? Weren't you told you would never amount to anything?" I have the tendency to want to be prefect in the things I attempt... immediately. Like my desire to build discipline was achieved the first nanosecond I decided to sit at the table and start the journey. To make matters worse, I immediately cease and desist when I can't be perfect. As you can imagine that strategy doesn't offer much hope for accomplishments.

I got myself back to the table today. I confessed my sins, prayed for my church, my pastor, my family and some friends. Seeking forgiveness for my sins could take up 40 minutes with little or no trouble at all. I almost called it good there but thought I would be cheating so I read II Timothy and some more Proverbs. God is very clever. Of course I read II Timothy where we have the lovely verse that reminds us that God gives those who are His a spirit of discipline...and... that He is faithful to preserve what we entrust to Him. You cannot win unless you play by the rules. If I am going to achieve the discipline I seek, I am going to have to trust Him to fulfill the desire. That's the rule of faith vs works. I trust that He will preserve me in accordance to His word, which means that I will have a spirit of discipline NOT because I get up and fulfill the 40 day 40 minute challenge flawlessly, but because God said it. That settles it. Not my works but His grace, even in this.

Spiritual Aphasia aka Senseless Theology

I was recently asked why I read theology and follow theological debates. "It's all just words and opinions." Words. Words on a paper, words on a blog. Words that travel invisibly through our airwaves and our minds. What would our inner monologue consist of without words? Harsh words, gentle words, untrue words, and solid you-can-die-behind them words. They have secret lives in the depths of our souls. They overflow in torrents of grief and joy. They seep out of our character flaws, wearing down the weak convictions that hold them back until they contaminate all those around us. All of us are stained within and without by the raw sewage of unkind words. Our souls are in jeopardy for want of The Word. Jesus Christ. The Gospel. The Good News. Words matter. Doctrine matters. Theology Matters. What you win them with is what you win them to. I study theology because I was lost too long in a world that scrambles truth with its own ideas and preferences. I was fed a diet of tosse

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit. Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even th

What if.....

...what if I just need a place to let some words spill out? What if they spill out in bouquets of bright colors and pleasing scents but their frames are made of snakes and lies? Will you the reader be able to tell? Will it matter? When words smell like lilacs and honeysuckle do you care what lies beneath them? Perfumed syllables cover the stench of hope's decay. A violet or two will fool most surface dwellers, allowing them to pass by quickly and unaware. Is that what words are supposed to do? What if my aesthetics with words are similar to Morticia Addams' with flowers? What happens when luscious blooms are discarded? When the ragged silhouette of thorns is all that remains will you still see the beauty? Perhaps we'll find out.

rambling rosemarie

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