It isn't that I want to be legalistic about this endeavor that made me get up and set the timer, it's that I know myself too well. Close enough is good enough is too often my mentality. I could see myself whittling down that 40 minutes to less than a minute in just a couple of days, maybe a week. It was the right decision for me.
I found myself asking God some things today that I hadn't realized bug me. Spring is here in Kentucky and I look forward to several events that mark its arrival. I love walking out in my yard and seeing the bright yellow dandelions. I live in a meadow so my 'lawn' is not the coiffed and manicured lawn coveted in California. I don't care for the dandelion allergy but visually, they are stunning. I also have wild violets that grow between the blades of bluegrass. Tiny and mistakenly fragile looking, I joyfully anticipate them each year. Today as I prayed I heard birds singing, smelled the lilacs that are blooming and found myself asking God if it was OK for me to love being here as much as I do. Am I sinfully attached?
I confessed to Him that I have no real concept of heaven. I know the circumstances in this world can be dark and horrible but His creation is absolutely stunning. There are so many things I want to see. The northern lights are at the top of my list. But- is it OK for me not to be ready to leave this place? I can think of many reasons to want to check out, but they are all people related. Is it possible to cultivate a true longing for heaven, to want to be with Christ and at the same time be enamored with this world? Not things of this world but the world itself? Is it possible to teach me to long for heaven without making my life a series of trials and heartache? I am not asking for exemption from them, Lord knows I have had a few. I do know that they bring me closer to Him and deepen my faith. Is it possible to long for heaven without them?
Today I read Ephesians and Philippians aloud. I don't know why I am reading aloud, it just seems like a good idea. I was having one of those days where my words tumble together or out of order and spoonerisms occur. The harder I tried to read the words correctly, the more I sounded like I was doing an impression of Jody Foster in the movie Nell. "Apostible" is my favorite new word creation. I said it over and over. It cracked me up- though I now fear singing "Nothing is Apostible when you put your trust in God. " I hope God gets as good a laugh at me when I do this as I do. My friend, James, had me read some books aloud for him and listened to them while out riding his bicycle. He told me he laughed so hard at some of my 'trouth moubles" he nearly crashed... some of those were intentional but I confess, there were many that weren't. I used to worry that I was developing Alzheimer's or something but I know now that it's a clear sign I need to inject myself with B-12. When I get all muddled and fuzzy like that the results are often fun but I am grateful to know that with some B-12 I can return to my "nearly normal" state.
Day two ended with me ignoring the timer beeping at me. It's way OK with me to go over my time budget, but I cannot allow myself to go under. I got up refreshed, happy and headed for the bathroom to get some B-12 in me, singing as I went "Nothing is Apostible when you put your trust in God" then morphed into "to dream the Apostible dream" and ended with "It's Apostible, tell the sun to leave the sky it's just Apostible!" I don't expect all the days to be this easy, or fun. I am glad today was.
Isaiah 65:17-18
17 "For behold, I create new heavens and a new earth; and the former things shall not be remembered or come to mind.
18 "But be glad and rejoice forever in what I create; for behold, I create Jerusalem {for} rejoicing, and her people {for} gladness.
2 Peter 3:13
13 But according to His promise we are looking for new heavens and a new earth, in which righteousness dwells.
(NAS)
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