rambling rosemarie

"The principle object of God's eye is the inward and secret frame of the soul: labor, therefore, to be cleansed from secret sins." 'If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.' Psalm 66:18 'Behold, you delight in truth inthe inward being, and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.' Psalm 51:6 "Therefore He is often said in Scripture to 'search the heart and reins,' which intimates His special observation of the secret frame. It is true that God gives charge against open sins. Why? Because He would not have any to be profane; and so He gives singular charge against secret sins. Why? Because He cannot endure any to be hypocritical. The man is to God what his inside is. If you work wickedness in your heart, God will destroy you. Plaster your visible part with all sorts of pious expressions: if yet you can set up a form of sinning within, you are notable hypocrites. The Lord sees you to be false and rott...

I am so frustrated today I can't keep the tears from spilling down my cheek. I am tired. I need a B-12 shot and time out. I need someone to hear the list of things that are wrong in my life. I need some people to take responsibility for pushing me to the edge and then I'll take responsibility for jumping. Is there a conspiracy somewhere? Did God orchestrate a continuous flash mob of stupid people making inane choices all synchronized to impact my little world. Yes, of course He did. Now what? Jesus, take the wheel and whatever else you see fit then poke me with a fork. I am done.

Before all others, I remember Christ. In the war for my soul, He is my victorious benefactor. This should be my first thought each day when I rise up and each night when I lay my head on my pillow. For without the freedom from judgement He affords me, all other freedoms are nothing but the hopeless respites of a dead woman walking toward an eternity in hell. I am without so much as a coin to give the axeman, let alone possessing the righteousness required to square me with the house. Spurgeon said: "Excuse making is the commonest trade under heaven. The slenderest materials are put to the greatest account. A man who has no valid argmuent in arrest of judgement, no feasible reason why he should not be condemned, will go about and bring a thousand excuses and ten thousand circumstances of extenuation, the whole of them weak and attenuated as a spiders web." I am grateful that the bonds of my salvation have the unmatched tensile strength of His righteousness and mercy. No hand, ...

So I went to the doctor today and by God's providence I was in the middle of one of the "episodes" I have been trying to explain. "Well, Dr. A, first I notice this rash in my eyebrows and on my cheeks. Next I get this overwhelming fatigue. Then my GI tract seems to want to kill me. First it slows way down and then it is over active. I can't figure out what starts the cycle, but it has a pattern." She looks at me and says, "I see the rash on your face right now.... there is a connective tissue chronic disorder...." And so now I am being tested for Lupus. Nobody asked me if I thought I might like to have Lupus. So now I have to decide if I want to scare myself silly by consulting Dr. Google and finding out all about Lupus, or just wait until the tests come back. It would probably behoove me to decide to forgo the consultation with Dr. Google and place this broken down body in the care and safety of the Great Physician and rest in His purposes. Lupu...

I think capitalism works. I generally like to continue doing business with companies that I have used before. I have had the same insurance company for 30 years. I like that I get to spend my money the way I see fit and give my patronage to whomever I like. I am not trying to start a movement, incite folks to boycott or to take any sort of stand with me, but I do want to tell all six of my readers that I will not be renting a car from Hertz in the near future because of their new commercial campaign. It ticked me off. I find it an insult to men and women. Yeah, I have a sense of humor. A rather keen one actually. I don't find the Hertz "gas or brake" campaign funny. I am an equal opportunity satirist. I think folks are easy to poke fun at. All of them. Male, female, democrat, republican, old and young. OK, I especially enjoy poking fun at democrats. They make it so darned easy. But this commercial that Hertz is so proud of irritates me. Individually each little scen...

I have been a vocal opponent about taking anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications for years now. For years I have been called ignorant, unaware, unkind, and by those who are more civil, just plain wrong. I come by my opinion honestly. I hail from a long line of people who suffer with depression and anxiety, not to mention alcoholism and addictive personalities. Yeah, I come from a long line of crazy people. But I am not ignorant nor am I unkind. And apparently, I am not the only one out there questioning the value of medicating ourselves into happiness. I was surprised to hear Paulina Porizkova talk about her decision to stop taking anti-anxiety meds. I have off the chart anxiety over the strangest things. Each time I let my dogs out I am afraid there is a wild animal or predatory bird that is going to swoop down upon them and take them away from me. I can hear their cries of pain in my mind and my heart drops a few beats before taking off on a wild rampage within my ches...

I haven't written in a very long time. Probably because I failed miserably at my own 40 day challenge. Well, that and I've realized I don't have much- if anything profound to say. I have lots to write about but none of it is particularly edifying or inspiring. It's just stuff. Random thoughts about peculiar things that get overlooked in ordinary, day-to-day events. Talking about events.... what about Harold Camping and his prediction of earthquakes and rapture? I haven't been able to stop singing "I'm still standing" when I find myself awake and aware. Today I am so tired that watching movies and sitting in front of my computer seem like arduous tasks. Simply trying to put a cogent thought together is difficult. Cogent thoughts? I would settle for connecting thoughts. Lately I have been thinking about the odd moments of my life that I remember. For instance, I watched one of my favorite movies this morning, October Sky. I am a sucker for a ...