Sleep Snorkel Surprise

Summer colds. Blech! Is there anything more annoying that being too hot and having your nose run like Bridalveil Fall? Probably but nothing comes to mind right now. My nose is red and raw from all the sneezing and blowing and I have been using Puff's. Imagine if I had some generic sandpaper tissue instead? I could probably die from the pain. Death by runny nose rough tissue rhinoplasty.

I went to bed very early last night because I was feeling miserable. I have sleep apnea and therefore sleep with a bipap machine that keeps from crumping in my sleep. Now, I love my little bipap machine. I got it after my near death experience a few years ago when the nurses in the ICU turned me in to the doctor because I never slept. Once I was released from the hospital they sent me for a sleep study. I had to do it twice because they wait for you to fall to sleep and monitor your breathing in order to decide if you need a machine. Generally they try different types of machines and different levels of air pressure. During my test I never fell asleep. They scheduled it again and put a machine on me first thing. I was asleep in two minutes and slept like the proverbial log. After 50 years of not sleeping you have to know that I was in heaven.

OK, here is my bit of encouragement for anyone who thinks they have sleep apnea or who is a chronic snorer. Get tested. I love my sleep snorkel. Why do I call it that? Well, click here and see the picture. That's why. I felt so much better after succumbing to the pressure of being tested for sleep apnea and getting my bipap machine. My snoring was huge loud even as a baby. I come from a long line of snorers. My 5'2" 125 pound father snored like a champ. You don't have to be obese, you just have to have the right (or wrong) combination of parts of your anatomy. Granted, no one looks sexy while wearing their bipap or cpap mask, but death is a possibility and nobody looks sexy dead either. Get tested.

So, last night with my nose raw from the sneezing and blowing, I wasn't really looking forward to wearing my sleep snorkel. I put the headgear on and gingerly positioned the part that rests on/in my nostrils. I also turned up the humidifier on the machine thinking that might help keep my sinuses happy. I had just found a comfortable position and fallen asleep when the electrical storm broke. That's when the fun started.

I have two dogs that both sleep in my room. I have a bed that is too tall for them to jump into without using a bench or stairs to assist them. Chet the Wonder Dog is 15 and he used to sleep with me but is now blind and deaf and I cannot trust him not to fall out of my bed. My bed is taller than most so a fall could be bad for the old man. Chet has no idea when thunder hits unless Thibodeaux, the younger of the two who is terrified of thunder, reacts. One good clap or roar of thunder and she is gone like a shot leaving only the vapor trail of her anal glands behind her. Any time a dog expresses their anal glands you know they are in fear for their lives. If you have ever been unfortunate enough to experience the noxious odor of canine anal glands, you know you really never want your dog to be that afraid in your presence.

Picture if you will two doggies asleep at the foot of the queen sized sleigh bed and me with my sleep snorkel on asleep in the aforementioned bed. The sort of drugged out sleep you fall into having used cold meds. Suddenly a big flash of light that is followed directly by thunder so loud and so close that the concussion makes the pictures hung on your bedroom wall wiggle like they are marionettes. I sat straight up thinking the war was on. Disoriented but in full fight mode, I am tangled in the sleep snorkel hoses and tethered to the night stand, making me want to fight to get free. At the very same time Thibodeaux, who now wants nothing to do with being alone in her bed and wants everything to do with being in my bed where I will undoubtedly protect her from the four-fanged dog eating thunder storm, is launching herself up in the hope of making into my bed. . I sit up and swing my legs over the side of the bed preparing for battle. She seizes the opportunity to scale my bare legs like a ladder in order to help her get into bed. I am wondering what in the name of all that is holy is going on and what or who is attacking my legs. Thibby is undaunted by my sweeping hands trying to keep her away from me and comes face to face with her beloved mom wearing a mask that blows air out its vents and looks like something from a cheap sci-fi thriller. Her little legs ran in place in mid air while she tried to ascertain which frightened her most. Mom in the mask or the thunder. The thunder won. I have the scars on my legs to prove it. We both survived the storm though. Chet, he slept through it all until Thibodeaux went and rallied him up. A quick look at the clock told me I had only been asleep for an hour. The continuing storm told me it would be a few hours before I got back to sleep.

Ah yes, these are the things that make my life interesting.