Skip to main content

Word Ninjas

I went to bed at a decent hour and found myself unhappily awake at 0145hrs. That's right, 1:45 am. That doesn't even qualify for 0'dark thirty. I have been known to go to bed at that time more often than get up. I tried but couldn't return to sleep. I also could'n't think of anything productive to do in my zombie-like state so I stayed in bed and found my mind wandering. Sometimes the craziest things come to me when I am least expecting it. I found myself thinking about something I said to my pastors during a meeting we had regarding biblical counseling. I was rambling on about the importance of words and the differences between men and women in their communication styles. I called women word ninjas. "We're all sweetness and light until you don't do what we want and then we'll take you out with our tongues. I don't know why men put up with us, we're evil. We woman are word ninjas." That's the general gist. Why I was thinking about that at almost 2:00am is beyond me, but I was.

My mind went from that to some of the nastiest things that have been said to me, all of them courtesy of a woman or woman in training. When I was in high school a terrible thing happened in the youth group at my church. I was new to the group and not popular at all but I was fairly well tolerated amongst the regulars, or so I thought. We were all together at the church for a slumber party when we heard that one of the older members of the group, a young man who was out of high school and just into college, had hung himself. He was the boyfriend of one of the beautiful and popular high school girls. I knew them both well enough to say hello to, but we weren't friends. My heart sank and I couldn't breath when I heard what had happened. I honestly could not think of a sadder situation. The young lady had broken up with him and a few hours later he killed himself. Overcome with emotions, I sobbed. I cried real tears. The kind that come with a scrunched up face and snotty nose. It wasn't pretty.

I thought about his family and the loss they felt. I wondered if the young girl felt guilty or if anyone would say something hateful to her- trying to blame her for his death. I thought about the kids there at the church who knew him and who were expecting to have fun, not mourn the senseless death of a friend. I wondered who found him and it took my breath away to think of his mom or dad having to find their son's lifeless body. It was all too much for me and I sat crying. Then I heard someone call my name. It was one of the girls I went to school with. It was one of the girls I thought more than tolerated me. The tone of her voice and her choice of words let me know what she was thinking. "Rosemarie? Did you even know Randy???" Forty years later I can hear the disgust in her voice.

I was being berated for crying. I had not earned the right to mourn so completely or openly for someone who was just a casual acquaintance. Apparently there was a social mores I had violated by being moved to tears in this situation. My tears had been found offensive and I was being judged. The group of girls my interrogator was with all looked at me expectantly. Ready to pounce if I said the wrong thing. I looked at her and quietly responded, "No. It's just too sad to do anything but cry." She rolled her eyes, spun on here heel and took off with her groupies waddling behind her.

You know, anything you want to know about total depravity you can learn in a situation like this. Why was it keeping me awake?



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit. Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even th...

It's all part of growing up

Today is my birthday. I am 51. I have officially lived longer than my mother. I have survived several major earthquakes, three fires, five floods, uterine cancer, having my infant body burned by percolating coffee and a childhood from hell. I have been stalked by a madman, been asked to be interviewed for the Australian version of 60 Minutes, received a bronze medal and helped foil a kidnap attempt of a celebrity. In my short 51 years, I have had an incredible life. I was asked by a former student what advice I would give a 30 year old that I have come to value now that I am in my 50s. The list of things that I value now that I didn't value then and vice versa is huge. Since my current topic is discipline, I would have to say that I wish I had cultivated discipline at an earlier age. Much earlier than my 30s. I wish I had learned the difference between need and want sooner. I have tried too hard to fulfill wants as if they were needs. The want vacuum just moves, it doesn...

Be yourself- don't waste your blog...

So... I read an article on my friend, Carla's blog . I have written about her on my blog before and have recommended her before. In this particular post she talks about one blogger's vision for a directory of Christian bloggers to help promote accountability. Which, on the surface sounds all good and 'Christianly' but Carla has reservations. Then I read the comments for her article and Steve Camp of Camp onThis fame has responded. I have also recommended his blog a number of times. For those of you who don't want to click the links, this is a brief synopsis. Some guy wants to have a Christian bloggers directory for accountability purposes, Carla questions the need since accountability begins in the bloggers local church, and she fears it will set up a click of bloggers who are "in" and those who are "out." Steve drives the point home and signs his comment "Don't waste your blog..." That's the part that has me spinning....