Diagnosis Failure and Perspective

What do you do when you know something is wrong with your body and yet all the tests provide no definitive answer? I can open my mouth and show you the sores in it. I can show you where my tongue has turned color. It's not cancer, it's not a stain. It's a mystery. I can show you the rash on my face. It is not lupus. It is not rosacea. What is it? Why does it accompany extreme fatigue and joint pain? You can see my eyelids are red and angry looking but antibiotics, ointments and eye drops don't make it go away. My guts aren't working properly but it's not colitis, Crohn's, not a h-pylori, but they are inflamed. Why? What do you do when you don't know what you're fighting?

You rejoice. I am a saved woman. It's all good after that.

You pray. Pray for patience. Lord, help me cope with these annoying and often debilitating symptoms as befitting a woman of God. And please, let the doctor changing my medications be a step in the right direction. I beg You for the willpower and wisdom to do the things the doctor says will help.

You change what you can. Going gluten free is a royal pain in the, well, you know, not to mention the hurt it will put to your pocket, but it has helped relieve some of my more extreme intestinal symptoms. The doctor didn't say I was imagining symptoms, he said they weren't caused by any of the diseases he suspected. So keep going gluten free, Rosemarie and learn to like it. In fact, be glad you have found some relief. He also said that my inability to get proper sleep was likely making all of my known maladies and symptoms exponentially worse. So bu-bye caffeine I love so well. Bu-bye late night TV when I can't sleep.

I need to stop doing things I know are aggravating injuries. I am proud and I am stubborn. I know my neck and back have major malfunctions and I push myself to the point of pain, so much pain that I can't sleep through it even with drugs. Less stuff to take care of equals less stuff to cause me agony. Simplify whenever possible. I know I need to lose weight and succumb to call for chocolate and ice-cream way too often. My accomplishment journal is still a wicked-smart idea for me. I just need to redefine what I consider accomplishments.

You cultivate gratitude. Thank you, Lord that I do not have any of the scary diseases the doctor was testing for and expected to find. Thank you, Lord that I have medical insurance. Thank you that my new doctor is a brother in Christ. Thank you that if he is right and all these things really are separate problems stacked one upon another, that all the doctors I have seen thus far: ophthalmologist; internist; gastroenterologist; immunologist and neurologist are all working together. Thank you that all their tests, though they have not answered this problem, have uncovered problems that could have had catastrophic results for me if left untreated. Mostly Lord, thank you that this body isn't the one I will be stuck with in eternity.

^{Psalm 139:13-16}

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You wove me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I will give thanks to You, for ^[j]I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Wonderful are Your works,
And my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth;
¹⁶ Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;
And in Your book were all written
The days that were ordained for me,
When as yet there was not one of them.

Character Flaws, Sin and Remediation

I have been thinking about my last post in which I offered to talk about how having a job has shown or magnified my character flaws. Before I do though, I want to distinguish between character flaws and sin. My character flaws predispose me to sin in certain areas more readily than in others. Indulging in my character flaws is sinful. Entertaining the idea of indulging my character flaws is sinful. They are the weaknesses in me where my flesh makes itself known by screaming, "You know you want to!!" Too often I hear Christians lamenting that they "make mistakes" or are victims of their genetic make-up and intimate that they should, therefore, be excused from culpability for being prone to certain activities. Our cultural dependence on a medical model to define our behavior has given many what they see as a plausible excuse for sin. I don't see that caveat in the Word. For Christians, the Word is always our standard. It is the standard by which all will be j

Fear Down, Hope and Peace to Go!

Last night I had the honor and privilege to present some information to the women of my church. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love and appreciate them. The seminar I did was on fear. God is clever and He had me present the information to them because I needed it. It's not that I don't want to study things for my own benefit and growth, but whenever I do a topical study to teach it, I see how badly I needed it and how much more I have to repent of than I realized. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know. That's a topic I want to return to in another post. I want to talk about the ladies for a moment. They are an incredibly loving group of women. Women who seek God and are teachable. They have gone out of their way to include me and love on me, which speaks volumes of their characters because I am not all that lovable. I am not being self-deprecating here. I am a mix of endearing and maddening qualities like anyone else. What I am telling you is

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit. Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even th

rambling rosemarie

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