26 October 2011

Is It a Precipice?

There is a strange wind stirring in my soul. I wish I could find the appropriate words to describe what I mean. There's not a pending catastrophe or anything I am especially concerned about. There's nothing scheduled of any significance for me until next month and those are things I am looking forward to such as visits from old friends. It's not often I am rendered incapable of communicating. What I feel is akin to looking over the side and discovering you're much higher up than you realized but in this case, I didn't know I was climbing anything at all. You know the strange dream you have that is all too real and familiar feeling when you wake up? The sort that leaves you wondering what is real and what is not? That is close to how I feel. I don't know how I got here and don't know if I should be alarmed or excited. Am I standing at the edge of change? On the precipice of some major self-discovery? Am I headed for a fall?

It's sort of like something needs to change for me. Some elusive piece of the puzzle needs to fall into place only I didn't know I was puzzling on anything. I am not anxious. I am not worried. Am I lonely? Is this what it feels to not enjoy your own company? Is this a signal that I should be anticipating something wonderful? Something horrible? Is it weird to be unable to identify what emotions you are feeling when you are certain you're responding to something? Maybe it's a physical response to something.

I am at a loss. Perhaps it's nothing at all. Only God knows.

Daniel 2:22

It is He who reveals the profound and hidden things;
He knows what is in the darkness,
And the light dwells with Him.


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