The day after I graduated high school I moved to a different county. Next came a succession of moves which isn't all that unusual for a young adult. Every six months or a year I would find myself in a new home, in new surroundings, doing new things. I carried the same old burdens to each of those places. I have been carrying any number of albatrosses around my neck like badges of honor. Putrid, albatrosses: abandonment, abuse, chaos, neglect, fear, anxiety, failure.
I've known for a long time that none of those things came to me accidentally. It used to make me mad. Then I was comforted by it and started taking those stinking birds off but I've always kept them close by. Why? Just in case I need them to prove I am no damned good. There's nothing quite so satisfying when you're throwing a pity party than to start enumerating the list of real grievances you have about your life.
Last night I got to hear Dr. Bruce Ware speak on The Truth of God's Providence. It was good for me to hear his exposition on the topic. I needed a tune up. I was reminded of something I learned a long time ago. If you look at the timeline of eternity, this time here and now doesn't amount to a flyspeck. It is infinitesimally small. It is the only time a Christian can and will know suffering. God, in eternity past, chose me to glorify Him through His grace and mercy. That means that all the heartaches; all the scars; all the bloated, maggot infested experiences that I choose to wear to keep myself walled off from others are going to be replaced with the mind blowing contentment of worshiping my God and Savior.
As I ponder it, it seems to me that during my sanctification, the reality of all God's providence being good should be compelling enough to stop me from collecting the dead birds of disappointment and pain. My faith shouldn't only give me future hope, it should expose the treasures of hope in my history. Could it be we find that hope as we bury the past in the truth of God's sovereignty? I am willing to find out.