Skip to main content

I Disappoint Myself

I have preconceived ideas about the way people should behave. It is because of this that I find myself in a constant state of disappointment, disbelief or downright disgust. Occasionally I am dumbfounded and rarer still delighted- but who rants about being delighted?  Not I.

It seems the more age I pack on the weirder I become but it's coupled with a strange mellowing. Things that were of monumental importance to me once don't merit a blip on the radar screen of my life. Things that formerly would send me into verbal tirades now don't elicit an 'eh.    My annoyance radar has been calibrated to monitor different life obstacles. Age, some wisdom and a lot of sanctification have gone into this change. God's hammered me on His anvil over and over again and I am a better woman for it.  Despite my objections.

Sometimes I let circumstances get the better of me and I react to life's challenges with emotion instead of faith.  I find it a most distasteful character flaw in others and loathe it when I succumb to the temptation to pitch a fit about something. Even though I keep what's occurring in my life very private, I expect to be given some slack when I misbehave, though I seldom return the favor.

Most of the time I am really good at empathizing with people. I can imagine the crotchety old man down the street was once charming. Something happened to make him so miserable. The crazy lady with the cats went to her prom dressed like a princess and smelling of perfume, not eau-du feline pee-pee. Most of the time I am tenderhearted for the fools and the unfortunates that don't fit in. Did you hear that?  How telling is it that? I label folks as fools and unfortunates when they don't measure up to my expectations. What a jerk I can be. When I least expect it I slip from empathy into judgement. In the blink of an eye I turn rabid and am not to be trusted.  I am not the only one, you do it too.   We all tend to forget that the lives of the people we encounter have context.  The pictures we laugh at on "People of Walmart" bear the Imago Dei.  Most of them had parents who were thrilled to bring them home from the hospital, swaddled and loved. They may be the apple of God's eye and as such are not to be mocked. Truth is I live in fear of finding my own picture on that site. So much so I no longer click the links my friends post to me "for laughs."

And then there are the times I disappoint myself.  I say or do things that don't fall on my list of sanctioned behavior. Who do you complain to when you're the one not acting right?  If only complaining worked for trouble such as this...  I'd have heaven on earth.

Holy Lord, I have sinned times without number, and been guilty of pride and unbelief, of failure to find Thy mind in Thy Word, of neglect to seek Thee in my daily life. My transgressions and short-comings present me with a list of accusations, but I bless Thee that they will not stand against me, for all have been laid on Christ. Go on to subdue my corruptions, and grant me grace to live above them.- Valley of Vision


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Character Flaws, Sin and Remediation

I have been thinking about my last post in which I offered to talk about how having a job has shown or magnified my character flaws. Before I do though, I want to distinguish between character flaws and sin. My character flaws predispose me to sin in certain areas more readily than in others. Indulging in my character flaws is sinful. Entertaining the idea of indulging my character flaws is sinful. They are the weaknesses in me where my flesh makes itself known by screaming, "You know you want to!!" Too often I hear Christians lamenting that they "make mistakes" or are victims of their genetic make-up and intimate that they should, therefore, be excused from culpability for being prone to certain activities. Our cultural dependence on a medical model to define our behavior has given many what they see as a plausible excuse for sin. I don't see that caveat in the Word. For Christians, the Word is always our standard. It is the standard by which all will be j

Fear Down, Hope and Peace to Go!

Last night I had the honor and privilege to present some information to the women of my church. I cannot begin to tell you how much I love and appreciate them. The seminar I did was on fear. God is clever and He had me present the information to them because I needed it. It's not that I don't want to study things for my own benefit and growth, but whenever I do a topical study to teach it, I see how badly I needed it and how much more I have to repent of than I realized. Sometimes you don't know what you don't know. That's a topic I want to return to in another post. I want to talk about the ladies for a moment. They are an incredibly loving group of women. Women who seek God and are teachable. They have gone out of their way to include me and love on me, which speaks volumes of their characters because I am not all that lovable. I am not being self-deprecating here. I am a mix of endearing and maddening qualities like anyone else. What I am telling you is

Super Church a song for the Emergent-sy

In the early 70s I was in a youth choir at my church. Our youth pastor was a musician and his way of connecting with us as a group was through the choir and music. Somehow there was an affiliation between him and The Continental Singers, New Hope and Jeremiah People. He was worked with Moishe Rosen of Jews for Jesus too, I think. Are any of these names familiar to you? Though I remember the church fondly I was a profoundly lost and troubled young woman during my years there. That and time have muddled the memories quite a bit. Today I was digging through some old paperwork and one of the books to the musical we did. It's Getting Late For the Great Planet Earth, a folk rock oratorio by Cam Floria. Yes, that's right. Cam Floria put Hal Lindsey to music. There's a lot to laugh about and some to groan about but as I was looking through the songs and remembering, I found this little ditty and I only wish I could sing it for you. Just remember that this is circa 1972 and even th