21 April 2015


Today I am struggling with the remnants of my past. All the anxieties that resurfaced during the last year or so haven't been vanquished. The thing I want to do most in the world is hide.

This is when I turn to the Psalms and focus especially on Psalm 139.

Psalm 139

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!2 You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar.3 You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways.4 Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.5 You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.6  Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it.7  Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence?8  If I ascend to heaven, you are there!  If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!9 If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,10 even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me.11 If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,"12  even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.13 For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.   Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.15  My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.16 Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were none of them.17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!18  If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.19 Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God! O men of blood, depart from me!20 They speak against you with malicious intent; your enemies take your name in vain! 21  Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord? And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?22 I hate them with complete hatred; I count them my enemies.23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!  Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

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